Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
