i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
