So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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