i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
