dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize