I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
