He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
