1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
