I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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