Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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