Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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