I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
