Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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