Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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