you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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