I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's JV to your varsity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
