he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
