Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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