My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
