Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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