just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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