Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize