There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
