i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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