I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
