There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
