Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
