you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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