haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
