she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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