It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
