It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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