In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
