maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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