i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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