I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this is an emotional support booty call
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
