It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
