i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize