i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
