We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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