sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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