Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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