The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
