i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
