And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
