belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
