i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
