I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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