I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
