Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
