his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
