Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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