went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize