Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
