Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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