I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize