:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Houston, we have a blender
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
