I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize