Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
