Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have demons in me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
