I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
