Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
