Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
