well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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