I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
