i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
