Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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