So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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