apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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