Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
