Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love you.
Bad choice
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
