youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
