are you still at the devil's house?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize