so explain again why im purple
no
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have aggressive nipples.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
