He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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